Changing status for drama

Jokainen, joka lukee mitään lehtiä, tietää että Mikael Jungnerin elämä nykyään uutisoidaan ainoastaan Facebook-statusten muodossa. Omassa Facebook-profiilissa voi käydä katsomassa kaikki omat status-updatensa. Ihan täydellistä! Niitä kun katsoo jälkeenpäin yhdessä listassa (eli tehdään niin sanotut Jungnerit), niin sehän on parempaa kuin päiväkirja. On ihan eri tavalla tietoinen omista menemisistään ja fiiliksistään.

Puhuimme kaverini Tompan kanssa perjantaina siitä, että statukset ovat EHDOTTOMASTI tehty, jotta sinne kirjoitetaan näppärää. ”XX is sleeping” tai ”XX is at home” ovat NIIN tylsiä. Totesimme myös, että statuksessa pitäisi pystyä linkittämään toisen ihmisen profiili. Esim ”Lotta is out drinking with XX”. Miten se teema menikin heti dokaamiseen? (ööh, no voisi se olla tietysti vaikka Lotta is making out with XX, mutta se olisi jo vähän liian paljastavaa. Ei niin, etteikö Facbookissa olisi muutamakin, jonka kanssa voisi make out).

Siis katsokaa nyt: En mä muuten mitenkään voisi muistaa, mitä kaikkea mä olen ajatellut ja tehnyt viimeisen viikon aikana, mutta ey presto; Facebook has the answer:

Today
Lotta is studying American Football (the rules, not the ball. Duuhh). 5:36pm
Lotta is a hero. Not the kind with great superpowers, but the kind with really LAME superpowers. Like really good sense of smell. 4:55pm
Lotta is facebook-detoxing. Also alcohol-detoxing, cigarette-detoxing and man-detoxing. 12:20pm
Yesterday
Lotta is in mese. Lotta is wired and soooo technologically advanced. 11:12pm
Lotta is niIn Pis$iS, ih4n sAir4An ihQuu! *~*. 8:14pm
Lotta is unhealthily excited about High School Music. 7:51pm
Lotta is trying to remember details about yesterday, and figure our if she should have a morkkis today. I don't THINK so.... 11:42am
Lotta is irresponsible. She will be charged with FUI (Facebooking under the influence). Öööh, or something. What do I know?! I'm wasted! 4:13am
November 3
Lotta is pondering: to drink or not to drink. Lotta is much like hamlet, without the Danish royalty part. 6:22pm
Lotta is going to create a new superlative: most likely to have the lamest status on FB. "XX is sleeping" is NOT a good status! 1:51pm
November 2
Lotta is absolutely fabulous! Well, mostly like Edina in a drunken haze. 5:42pm
Lotta is feeling olympic today! 2:50pm
Lotta is not the brightest crayon in the box today. 12:09pm
November 1
Lotta is about to shave her head. I can work complicated tehcnology, but not do my hair. What's wrong with the universe?!? 6:07pm
Lotta is going to drink and horoile tonight. Not that it's her style to do that, but it's for work. Lotta is such a workaholic. 5:10pm
Lotta is going to drink and horoile tonight. Not that she wants to, but it's for work. 4:48pm
Lotta is fashionista extrodinaire. 10:49am
Lotta is fanitta'ing Fall Out Boy. 10:20am
October 31
Lotta is medicating her coctail flu. God bless Pepsi Max. 6:40pm
Lotta is tyttö, joka tuoksuu tanssimusiikilta... 1:52pm
October 30
Lotta is going to go see The Giant Leaps levyjulkaisukeikka. And drink! Yeay! 9:22pm
Lotta is stalking her neighbours. Lotta is a kyttääjä, but not the bad kind. 8:23pm
Lotta is not röking, but would love to. Coffee and cigarettes BELONG together. 5:40pm
Lotta is having a great työsuhde-etu: Kaalimato. The cabbage worm is Lotta's new friend. 3:55pm
Lotta is in need of company for tonights' The Giant Leap gig. 3:18pm
Lotta is going to see The Giant Leap tonight. Maybe. 2:24pm
Lotta is seriously creeped out about Uhan Alla. How can they let wimpy girls like me watch this?!? 12:49am
October 29
Lotta is playing with new toys, but if anybody asks, I'm "doing the dishes". 9:32pm
Lotta is is so excited, and she just can't hide it. She's about to lose control, and I think she likes it. 12:15pm
Lotta is up way past her bedtime. Lotta is badass. 1:42am
October 28
Lotta is convinced Facebook is broken, cause she hasn't received any messages. Surely someone should send something?!? 11:15pm
Lotta is kontallaan. Well, reading the book 'Kontallaan' really, but the first one sounds funnier. 8:58pm
Lotta is in love with Josh Lyman. 7:51pm
Lotta is substituting starbucks with sex. No! Wait! The other way around! Lotta is a bit dumb. 5:41pm
Lotta is enjoying some Starbucks. Lotta is practically getting off on this. Lotta is going to Kirjamessut later. 12:08pm
Lotta is home after getting drunk with Pieru. (The person, not the gas. That would be weird). 3:01am
October 27
Lotta is going to watch a speksi with Minna (Pieru) tonight. 3:45pm
Lotta is trying to clean up. Who has this many shoes!? Lotta needs a bigger apartment. 2:27pm
October 26
Lotta is cool. Lotta is going with old people to an old people's bar to see Dingo tonight. Yeah, Lotta's not that cool after all. 4:22pm
Lotta is confused about Ilta-Sanomat that advocates younger men for older women. 10 years younger for Lotta means 17. That can't be legal? 2:44pm
Lotta is flipping through the new Hunks calendar, and feeling awful about objectifying men. Kind of. Well, not really. Mr. August makes up for everything. 10:06am
Lotta is flipping through the new Hunks calendar, and feeling awful about objectifying men. Kind of. Well, not really. 9:44am
October 25
Lotta is not telling anyone what she's doing tomorrow, cause it's embarressing. 10:45pm
Lotta is going to see Dingo tomorrow. Well, being forced to, rather. 10:35pm
Lotta is creeped out by Dexter. 10:19pm
Lotta is creating (which sounds better than "writing mundane columns"). 8:26pm
Lotta is substituting sex with shopping. 6:49pm
Lotta is changing her status for drama. 3:30pm